'Til Death Page 9

  I sat on the couch and took off the blood-stained shirt and began telling my mother everything. I poured my heart out about everything that had been going on between Ciara and me, from the beginning to the end, as if she and I were destined to play this cat and mouse game. The real question was, who was chasing whom? My mom didn’t interrupt; she just listened.

  "Barren, do you love Ciara?" my mom asked.

  "Yes." I answered.

  "Are you in love with Ciara?"

  "Yes." My voice cracking slightly.

  "Then you know what you have to do." Before I could say anything, Brandon came walking in like he owned the place. I looked from him to my mom, and back to him. What the fuck was this nigga doing here?

  "So you got a key now?" I asked him.

  "Barren . . ." my mom said, while looking at me. I just looked at her. I stood up and walked past him.

  "You need to learn how to get your anger under control, son." Brandon said.

  I turned around and stood directly in front of him. "Don’t ever call me son. You lost that privilege a long time ago."

  "Barren, please stop," my mom said while pulling my arm. I looked at Brandon, and he looked at me. I turned and left. I made my way to Culprit’s crib. Most likely I’d be back to staying with him. I really wanted to go to Ciara. I wanted to tell her I was sorry for hitting her. I wanted to hold her and to tell her that we could work, that I could forgive her. I wanted all our secrets to be out in the open. Every time we were good, something always popped up from her past. Always. I arrived at Culprit’s house shortly. I used my key to get in, and I went into the kitchen. I went to the cabinet and grabbed me a glass. I put some ice in it and also grabbed the E&J out of the freezer. I poured myself a drink and sat at the table. I pulled out a blunt and began to roll up. I heard the stairs creak. Culprit came walking into the kitchen with no shirt on and some basketball shorts. I figured Lo must be there.

  "What up bro, you good?" Culprit asked me.

  I nodded my head and passed him the blunt. "So what happened when I dipped?" I asked.

  "Shit, I really don’t know, but I guess Lo and Ciara got into it."

  "What the fuck?" I looked up, wondering why those two would get into it.

  "Same thing I thought. Guess you wasn’t the only one upset about that. Knowing them two, I guess some words were exchanged, and neither one liked what was said." Culprit explained.

  I didn’t say anything, and just took a sip of my drink.

  "So how you feel about it?" Culprit asked me.

  "It is what it is."

  "Naw, nigga, on some real shit."

  I just shook my head, not sure what to say. "I want to talk to her about it. But I don’t know what to say. If I want us to change, then it has to start with me, right?"

  "See; I always knew you had a brain,” Culprit said while passing the blunt back.

  I laughed at him. Lo made her way around the corner and was shocked to see me.

  "Hey," Lo said.

  "What’s up?" I look between Culprit and Lo and just smirked.

  "How you feeling?" Lo asked me.

  "Good." Lo looked back at Culprit, and I looked at the both of them.

  "Well, I’m about to go to sleep. I guess I can’t have that big brother talk to you Lo, about fucking my friends huh?" I said while laughing. I heard her laugh as I was walking out. I pulled out my cellphone and dialed Ciara’s cellphone, but it went straight to voicemail. Before I went to sleep, I called my nigga, Avery. It was about time for me to start making some money.

  Ciara

  I hadn’t talked to anybody since the night everybody found out about my daughter. I was mad at Lo at the time, but I got over it; at least I thought I had. I just didn’t like how she came at me. Lo called me a couple of times, and so did Tosh, but I wasn’t in the mood. My morning sickness had been wreaking havoc on me. I’d sleep all day and eat all night. I was tired all the time, and something on me always hurt. But that day I had to get up; it was the day for Lo’s mother’s funeral. I dressed up and rode out to the church. I was still in a daze. My swollen cheek had gone down, and hardly anyone could tell it was bruised. I hadn’t talked to Boan, even though he had been blowing up my cell. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with him. I loved the man to death, and I was still in love with him; I knew that for a fact. I was just tired. Every time we were doing well, something took a turn for the worst, and it was always from my past. It was always coming back to haunt me, so maybe I did need to settle it. Maybe I needed to go back and iron some things out. But I would have been lying if I said that, that didn’t scare the shit out of me.

  When I rode up in front of the church, I saw Boan and Culprit standing out in front. Boan looked so fucking good. My hormones were up and down, and seeing him in an all-black Armani suit with wireless clear Cartier glasses on didn’t make it any better. Boan and Culprit turned toward the car. Boan’s shirt was also black, and he left a few buttons open. Culprit’s suit was black too. They looked like they just stepped off of a GQ cover. I got out of the car and walked towards them, but before I made it to them, somebody grabbed my arm. I turned and faced Tosh.

  "Bitch, ignore my phone calls again and me and you going to have problems," Tosh said to me.

  "Tosh, you can’t be cussing in front of a church," I told her, pointing at the obvious cross looming over us.

  "I’m not inside of it yet."

  "Guess you got a point," I said.

  "Are you all right?" Tosh asked me.

  "Yea, I just needed some head space. I wasn’t ignoring you because I’m mad. I just needed to figure some things out."

  Tosh placed her hands on my shoulder, and I looked at my beautiful friend. "I understand but you my girl. I’m here for you no matter what."

  I hugged Tosh, and I felt tears coming to my eyes.

  "Why are you crying?" Tosh asked me.

  "It’s the pregnancy." We both laughed, and Tosh grabbed my hands. We walked towards Boan and Culprit. Boan was staring at me, and I tried my best not to look him in his eyes.

  "Where is Lo?" Tosh asked Culprit.

  "She rode in the family limo. I’m just waiting for her so we can walk in together. I’m sure she gon’ want all of us there," Culprit said, while looking at me. I looked at him and nodded my head.

  "Ciara." Boan said my name.

  "Yes?" I answered him. I really wasn't in the mood.

  “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

  "Can we not do this here?"

  "Yea, ok," Boan said. I was shocked. I thought he was going to put up a fight, but he just said, “OK.”

  "So the whole gang is here." We all turned toward the voice. Tez.

  "Oh hell no," Tosh mumbled.

  "Why was I not invited?" Tez asked while smiling. You could still see the bruises on his face from the beating Boan gave him.

  "Ciara you looking good. Real good," Tez said while licking his lips. He tried to touch me and I pushed him away.

  "Get the fuck away from me," I said.

  Boan pushed Tez and stepped between us. "Touch her again," Boan said. They stared at each other. I grabbed Boan’s arm and touched his back. Boan could kill Tez anywhere but there.

  "Boan, I’m going to kill you. Just not today, so you can relax."

  Before Boan could reply, the limo pulled up. Lo was the last one to get out. She walked over to us. She looked at Tez and then looked at everybody else.

  "Ciara, can I talk to you in private for a moment?" Lo asked me. I walked over to her and we walked off.

  "I just wanted to say I was sorry. For everything. It wasn’t right for me to judge you and I had no place to tell you those things. You’re my girl, my sister, and I wouldn’t want to lose that or damage that."

  I looked at her and burst out in tears. I was always fucking crying. Lo looked at me and wrapped her arms around me.

  "I’m sorry too. I’m just pregnant and I’m always crying. I don’t know why." I told her while laughing and wiping my te
ars.

  Lo laughed and I gathered myself together.

  We walked back, and nobody said anything, and Tez was still standing there. I looked at him and rolled my eyes. Lo grabbed Culprit’s hand and I looked at Boan and grabbed his. He looked at me, then looked down at our hands. He gave mine a gentle squeeze. I grabbed his hand to make sure he wouldn’t kill Tez. Tez looked at me and Boan. Tez than tried to reach for Tosh, but she moved away.

  "Aw, come on Tosh, don’t act like that. We had our fun times," Tez said loudly enough for everybody to hear.

  "WHAT!?!" Lo and I yelled in unison.

  Tosh looked at Tez like she wanted to kill him. I wanted to know what fun times they were talking about. Culprit was like lightning speed. We looked up, and Culprit grabbed Tez and had a gun in Tez’s face.

  "Tez, if you don’t get the fuck outta here, somebody will be planning your funeral next."

  Lo grabbed Culprit’s arm but he wasn’t looking at her. I knew once Culprit got into that killer mode there was no turning back. Culprit shoved Tez, and Tez stumbled back. Tez fixed his jacket and nodded his head.

  "Don’t get mad at me. I thought Tosh told y’all, but I guess not. Cool. Culprit, you just made the biggest mistake."

  "Nigga, I ain’t worried." Culprit said.

  Tez walked away, and Culprit put his gun up. He looked at Lo, and Lo looked at him. Lo walked away from Culprit without grabbing his hand. I tried to make eye contact with Tosh but she refused to look at me, and I had a feeling she wouldn't look at me because of what Tez just said about them two having a prior relationship. I knew in my gut that the altercation between us and Tez was far from over. Tez has always been the vengeful type of guy. I took a deep breath, and fell in line with everyone else as we made our way into the church beside Lo. We all stood by Lo when she walked up to her mother's casket. She wasn't crying but I noticed she was shaking. She sat in the first pew next to her aunt and when Culprit tried to sit next to her, Lo reached out for Tosh instead. I noticed the brief look of hurt on Culprit's face before he sat down next to Tosh. Boan and I made brief eye contact and then we took our seats. The service wasn’t that long. It was time for Lo to speak. She walked up and grabbed the microphone from her aunt’s hand.

  "I don’t even know what to say really. I never pictured myself standing here, to be quite honest. All of you guys’ stories and memories have been entertaining to me. It told me about a woman that I never knew. Told me about somebody who has always been a shadow to me. I used to think that I was adopted, that there is no possible way that this woman who had no interest in anything I do could be related to me. But it is possible. Just like it is possible for me to be standing here today feeling so much regret. Maybe I should have called more. Maybe I should have forgiven her. There are endless maybes, but all I have is here and right now. I’m so sorry mommy. I’m so sorry that you weren't who I thought you were, and I’m so sorry that I wasn’t the daughter you needed me to be." Lo was crying. Shit, everybody was crying, because I knew I was. Lo walked out of the church and all of us got up to follow her except me. I couldn’t move.

  Something in me broke. Was my daughter going to say that to me? Would my daughter think I didn’t have any interest in her? I had to know. I had to find out. I got up and walked out of the church. Culprit was holding Lo, and I walked up to them.

  "Lo, I have to go," I announced to her.

  "Where are you going?" Lo asked.

  "I . . . just have to go."

  She nodded her head, understanding without me needing to say anything. I walked out of the church to my Lexus. I turned on my car and typed in the address on my GPS system. I had a long drive ahead and it was getting dark outside quickly because of a big storm that was coming through. I rode in silence, my head was racing with thoughts that needed answers. I hadn’t been this way in so long that I wasn't sure what kind of reaction my showing up would get. I always called her by phone, but not today. Today I needed this, I needed this change and the feeling was too overwhelming to ignore. I drove out of Detroit and made my way to Lansing, Michigan, which was a few hours away. I drove until I was hypnotized from the road signs and all the sins of my past haunting the back of my mind. I drove until my GPS told me to stop. I looked up at the house, and got out of my car. I looked in the driveway and saw that expensive BMW. They were home. I banged on the door and a woman with greying hair and light brown eyes answered the door. She looked at me. I looked up at the graying clouds and I smelled rain. The storm was fast approaching.

  "Ciara?" Her voice was stern and unmoving.

  "Mother," I said, while pushing my way inside.

  "What are you doing here?" My mother was so superficial and snobbish. It was so irritating.

  "Where is she? Where is Heaven?" I turned towards her. She wasn't tall at all, but it was hard to ignore her presence. Her stare was lingering. I always remember feeling she was still watching me, even when she looked away.

  "She’ll be home in a minute. She had dance practice. Why are you here?"

  "Because I want to talk to Heaven. I want to talk to my daughter."

  Boan

  Ciara’s mind was so preoccupied that she didn't even notice I've been following her. When she finally stopped, it was in front of a huge Colonial home. Who the hell did she know out here? Before I got out, another car pulled up. I couldn’t see who the person was, but they ran up to the porch. The driver pulled off once the person made it safely inside. I looked around and got out. It was raining as hard as hell, and the wind was howling. I made my way to the door and knocked. It opened immediately, and my breath stopped. I looked at the young girl. Her light brown eyes stared right back at me. I’d be damned if this little girl wasn’t Ciara’s daughter; the only difference was that she was lighter than Ciara, but from her jet black hair to her light brown eyes, they were the spitting image.

  "Can I help you?" she asked me. I couldn’t form words. Somebody else opened up the door wider. It was Ciara.

  "Boan?" Ciara said, while looking at me.

  "Who is this?" the little girl asked her.

  "Umm, Heaven, can you go into the kitchen for a second," Ciara said, while looking at her. Heaven nodded her head and walked away. I stepped inside the house. I noticed that Ciara had her heels off, so I took off my shoes.

  "So that’s her,huh?" I asked.

  "Boan, what the hell are you doing here?" Ciara looked at me like I had lost my mind and placed her hand on her forehead.

  "I followed you." I thought that would be pretty obvious.

  "Why?"

  "Stop hiding shit from me, and maybe I wouldn’t feel the need to follow you." My tone was low but my voice was harsh.

  "You want to know the truth about everything. Fine. Follow me into the kitchen." Ciara said between clenched teeth before turning on heel and storming off.

  I followed Ciara into the kitchen and looked around. The place was huge on the inside and really clean.

  "Just to warn you, my mother is snooty and a bitch." When she noticed my nod, she asked, "What?"

  Without responding, I pulled her towards me and kissed her. I missed her so much, and the tight black dress she had on was hugging her every curve. My tongue traced her lips until she opened up her mouth and took me in. I kissed her gently and sucked her bottom lip into my mouth. Her hands went around my neck and she pressed her body into me. I knew she was getting excited and I was too. I pulled away from her and looked her into her eyes.

  "Ciara, I’m not going anywhere. I want you and I need you. Your graveyard of skeletons isn’t going to scare me away. You’re not in this alone. I love you and our unborn child," I said, and I placed my hand on her stomach. She nodded her head and wiped her tears. She grabbed my hand and walked with me into the kitchen. Two other women were in there, and Heaven. Heaven stopped eating her Oreo cookies and looked from me to Ciara. I looked at the other women. One of them was older and also had light brown eyes, but her hair was greying. She was beautiful. I assumed that this was C
iara’s mother. The other woman had reddish-brown hair, but it was in a short cut, similar to how Ciara used to wear her hair. She looked to be around the same age as Ciara, but probably older. She and Ciara looked alike, but her eyes were darker.

  "Mom, Heaven, Cynthia, this is my husband, Boan." Ciara pointed between us, being short.

  "Boan?" her mother’s face looked like she sucked on a sour lemon when she said my name.

  "Husband?" Cynthia looked me up and down and seemed to give a silent approval.

  "Hi." Heaven greeted me softly with an easy smile on her face. I was once again taken aback by how much she looked like Ciara.

  "My name is actually Barren, but my mother is the only one that calls me that," I said. I was nervous as hell. They all looked at each other.

  "Well, I’m Mrs. Summers, Heaven is Ciara’s daughter, and Cynthia is Ciara’s older sister. And you’re her husband, Barren?" Mrs. Summers asked me.

  "Yes."

  "Wow, actually I'm shocked," Mrs. Summers said. I grabbed Ciara’s hand and pulled her close to me.

  "What exactly are you shocked about?"

  "I don’t see Ciara as, how should I say this, wife material." Mrs. Summers remarked.

  "I didn’t know it took special material to be a wife. She is loving and caring, definitely beautiful inside and out, and very much a strong person. I think I’m the luckiest man in the world." I defended.

  Mrs. Summers looked like she had steam coming out of her head.

  "What do you do for a living Boan?" Cynthia asked me.

  "I’m in the progress of looking for some real estate so I can start a couple of businesses," I said.

  "In other words, you're broke," Mrs. Summers said, while taking a sip of wine.

  "Absolutely not. I’m sure I can outbid you." I bragged proudly, while smiling. This old bitch was getting on my nerves.